Hello faithful followers. I apologize for my lack of blogging lately. I've been lazy...and by lazy I mean, I get sucked into my couch and mindless tv when I get home from work. Please forgive me.
Now, where was I...Ahhh, yes, my first job and the crazies that I worked with. I was minding my own business, loving being a woman of road. My territory I recruited from were some major metro areas, not in the state of Minnesota. I assume they gave me this territory because I was single, young and eager to please the powers that be, and I was very open about, how, as an only child I love my time to myself. Which is why I imagine they had no problem sending me on the road that first fall for 6 weeks. I left in late August and didn't return until October. I took in most of the state of Iowa, getting a chance to see the world's largest cheeto in Algona, Iowa. Clipped down, to Omaha, Kansas City, St. Louis, and then back home again. Along the way getting a chance to meet other admission reps from other schools as we did college fairs together. I would always try to do different things in my off time from attending college fairs, going on high school visits, going to bad high school plays and acting like it was Broadway to woo a student to the school...I would tour different places in the cities I was visiting, like Boys Town (The actual Boys Town in Omaha, not the one in Chicago...) or took in the Budweiser brewery tour when in St. Louis, and of course, plenty of shopping. Many adventures happened while on the road, from car trouble, to being stranded in all kinds of weather, to being offered drugs by a nice homeless man in St. Louis. It was all part of the experience.
When I got back that second year in the fall, a quiet, uneasiness had fallen over the office. In an attempt to bring more students to the school, there was a decision made to bring in a consulting firm to analyze numbers, processes, and the over all admission experience for incoming students. While, I'm sure there are many, many wonderful consultants out there, we were given a man who was still under the impression in was 1986 and he was hip to how the Gen Y generation needed to be recruited. Fact was, he had a questionable hair piece, was as tall as Sasquatch, and did this weird thing where he would constantly clear his throat. That man had more phlegm than I ever thought was humanly possible. I usually heard his mucus before I saw him. It was decided there needed to be a new hierarchy in the office, and he appointed himself our interim director until a new one was found. That's when the trouble began..and I also believe at that exact point is the time I started drinking heavily.
We were all forced to have these awkward one on one sessions with him where he would act like he was listening to you..but then wasn't at all, and just say what he wanted you to do about 7 different ways until you just gave in, and agreed to do it. He was the king of stereotyping. He wanted someone pretty at the front desk as the visit coordinator, that's why he wanted Aubrey as the first person to be seen as families came in...He never directly told me this, but it got back to me that he had implied because I'm pleasantly plump, I'm clearly lazy. (Which as stated above I am...but not when I'm rocking my job, just when I come home and take my bra off, he was such a dick.) This brings me to one of my favorite stories.
It was February, and a major alumni/prospective student event was to be taking place in Chicago. They bussed down half the faculty and staff for this thing, and after the all day event, the admission staff was going to stay over night, and do a retreat the next day before we headed back. So after everyone had left it was decided the staff, consultant, college president, and a few members of the board of trustees were going to go out for a nice meal. So here we are, all exhausted from a day of talking with prospective students and their families, just wanting a glass of wine, and good food. Well some idiot, picked out a fabulous place for us to eat dinner, but got us reservations on the bar side, not in the restaurant...so here we are, 15 of us, scrunched around a long table in the bar section, I'm practically on the lap of the VP for Admission on my right, and on my left, here are my favorite coworkers/members of the circle of trust from the staff. Since we didn't really want to be there with the consultant, or the other people that make us crazy, we did what anyone would do in that situation. We drank. Now here's what I'm working with: the consultant saying off handed comments to me, one of my coworkers proceeds to order the lobster in front of the president of the university, doesn't know how to eat it, and he actually pries it from her hand and cracks it open himself, a cute little priest who can't hear anything, my drunk friends, and the rest of the bat shit crazy staff. When the food finally came out, I looked over at Dave, and he had no space to eat his food, and was actually eating his food like a T-Rex because there is no space at the bar table we were at. I proceeded to spill half of my pasta down the front of my shirt, and I think announce at one point, "It's so hot in here, I wish I had worn my tube top!" Clearly, my VP was glad he had sat in between me and the President. With the painful dinner finally done, we go back to the hotel...and I'm getting ready to take my bra off, and put my jammies on because the next day will be a mind numbing day with the consultant before we drive back to Minnesota. My co workers had other plans for me. I was summoned to another room, where there was a massive jug of Bacardi and a 2 liter of Coke. I sit down for A drink. But little did I know I was getting about 3 parts rum to 1 part Coke..and that night was going to escalate quickly. Next thing I know I was on drink # 4, the annoying co workers had come to hang with the circle of trust, and I was being fed cheetos by the staff member I couldn't tolerate for the life of me..but that night, she was my best friend. Pretty soon, I found Dave's shaving cream in the bathroom, made a mess, and about 20 minutes after that Dave had thrown up on himself and the party was over.
We got about 4 hours of sleep that night, and woke up, feeling surprisingly alert for the 'staff retreat'. Walked down the hall to the suite where we were to meet at, and there was phlegmy sasquatch waiting for us. He then proceeded to hand us the stupidest personality test I have ever done. Now, it could be because my head was a little hazy from the night before, but the questions were worded so poorly, I actually just copied Mary's answers because I couldn't comprehend what they were asking..and when I asked for clarification the consultant would just tell me to circle a letter, because, "That's just what you are Megan.." What a douche. Like he knew me and what I would answer...We were about 2 hours into him analyzing our personalities and telling us that he had us all pegged, and that we have too much of whatever personality in our office...when it hit the 3 of us at once...we weren't alert at all that morning...we were still drunk. When we finally broke for lunch the hangover had set in. Mary and Dave passed out on the couches in the suite, I tried to get something to eat, but think I may have thrown it back up...and then the blizzard started... We wrapped up early, got in our cars to drive back to Minnesota in a blizzard....and it was the most miserable ride of my life. Not only did Sasquatch think he knew me, but I couldn't stop thinking about all the rum that was consumed the night before, giving me a raging headache...not to mention the crappy weather that turned a 5 hour drive into 8.
It was at that point that I realized, the only way we were going to deal with the consultant was if we all stuck together...I believe it was around that time that I knew the importance of my co workers for my sanity. It was the start of a beautiful, liquor consuming, relationship.
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