So here I am, out of college, thinking I'm big shit because I have an expense account, company car...and a real job. Now, in the first job out of college, one expects certain things. An etiquette if you will. I experienced possibly the least professional work environment in my first year(s) of being out college...which probably has ruined me for life...but regardless, I wouldn't have it any other way.
In the world of college admissions, there tends to be a bit of a revolving door. In the traditional undergraduate realm, a lot of recent college grads, get jobs in admissions because they can't seem to break the tie from their college years. Where I worked, we all had Catholic guilt, and couldn't leave the job even if they insisted on paying us in peanuts and continuing to add to the work load. I believe nearly our entire staff had graduated from the college....some all way back in the 1960's!! No lie.
My first year was awesome. My college roomie was an admission counselor with me. Mary is my sista from another mista. We know what the other is thinking before it's even said...and when we were both in town, and stuck in the office, rarely did the clock hit 11:00am without one of us saying: "So...Happy Hour at Tequila's after work?" We were at Happy Hour, if we were in town for the full week...I would venture to say 4 of the 5 work days. There was much to be discussed over Mexican beer and margaritas.
When Mary and I first started it was like watching a circus. Our colleagues had worked with each other for so long, that their idiosyncrasies, had become like second nature, and as a newcomer to the office, we thought these people were bat shit crazy. Let me explain the dynamics: (for this particular segment I will be using fake names, as I'm not totally sure about how many people there read this, nor would I want to use their name and have them try to sue me. Unlike others that just are attention whores, and love having their name mentioned in my blog.) If I am leaving you out and you're reading this, you probably mean nothing to me. Hahaha, just kidding...I just worked with some longer than others, that's all. Love you long time. Mind you, not all of these people were always there together, or at the same time, I was there for 6 years, so I saw some come and go, these are just the ones that stick out in my mind.
*Candice: A woman set in her ways, sounds like she has smoked 3 packs a day, and has coughing fits like she has smoked that many since the age of 12. At first she would go into this coughing fits and I would look around like, "Why is no one helping this woman?!" But turns out, some of her potentially blackened lung would cough out, she'd slurp some water, and be back to good in no time. She has worked in every facet of the college, and was now going to spend her last years until retirement in the Admission Office...while she could scare the crap out of any freshman student worker, she was a teddy bear at heart.
*Nicki: She was pregnant with her first child when I started, and wanted to tell us every single day about how the pregnancy was progressing. I was 23, and could care less...but what was confusing at first about this gal, was that she would read the local paper OUT LOUD to us nearly every morning. Initially I would look around, and comment back to her, "No way! Crazy townies!" Until one day *Candice told me, she doesn't expect an answer, she's just reading willy nilly. She was pregnant again not long after, and by the time I left that place a few years later, I was hearing daily updates about her children's poop, vomit and other bodily functions/fluids. While I was always on information overload, there's something I miss about those daily updates.
*Keith: He had been in the office since I believe the mid 70's...I could be wrong about that..my memory is fading every day...He was raised in Joilet, Illinois is a unique mix of Italian and Polish..however, while raised in the midwest, you would think it was the east coast, and that Don Vito Corleone was his father. He could quote anything from any of the Godfather movies, loved The Soprano's and here's my favorite part: His car was like Mary Poppin's carpet bag. He was a regional rep for us, and would be back and forth to the Twin Cities on a weekly basis. If you needed something and didn't want to run to the store, it was probably in his car. Here is a small sampling: duct tape, hangers, towels, iron/ironing board, coffee maker, extension cords, various promotional materials from the school, so many suit coats, and dress shirts hooked to one hook in the car, that you were just sure it was going to break...and this was never proven, but he claimed he had it: A sawed off shot gun.
*Jasmine: Now she was a real treat. Every office has one. The one that tells everyone she is just fine, and doesn't need help, but has her fingers in so many pies she can't see straight. Delegation was not her strong suit. She was notorious for stomping around, and not saying anything just sighing heavily wherever she went when she was busy. Making copies? (Big annoying sigh) Using the paper cutter? (clearly I'm a big deal, I'm going to sigh and let people know I'm over extended!) Initially I tried to help when I could because I noticed people were ignoring her...but then come to find out, that's just her M.O. So by year 2, I had stopped noticing the sighs all together, and just knew that in no way, shape, or form did she want help, she just wanted us to know how busy she was. And we all accepted that.
*Shelly: Was notorious for pop culture. If there was a new show, or movie, she was going to see it. If I needed to know about what celeb was sleeping with who, she was just one short walk away to find out the details. Generally speaking, I didn't even have to watch television shows, she was going to give me the entire summary the next day while getting my morning coffee and creamer. Matter of fact, I've never even watched an episode of Glee, and I know who every character is, what their back ground story is, and who they're banging on the show. Pretty useful gal to have around. If I'm ever in an episode of Cash Cab, I hope I would be with her, she would dominate.
*Dave: Not changing his name because he's my brotha from another motha, and attention whore like myself. Didn't graduate from our college, but a similar one in Iowa (don't judge him on that fact alone) so he was a natural fit at the school. Which is probably why he was hired on 3 seperate occasions. Yup, once while I was in school as a student, he quit...hired again while I was in my first year or two as an admission counselor, quit, and then helped a bit when a counselor left mid year. You know the phrase, "he could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves"? That was Dave. You met him, loved him, and he could recruit any one to the school. AND...he loved to give people shit. If there's a hornet's nest, he would find it, poke it, and probably knock it down...and somehow in all the chaos, manage to not get stung.
*Russ: This guy was classic. He was Vietnam Vet, passionate about higher ed...and the most politically incorrect man there was. He notoriously didn't know how to email or use any kind of modern day technology. He shouted most of the time because his hearing was shot, and walked with a purpose like he was still hot on Charlie's tail. He also had a stellar pair of Blue Blocker sun glasses, and before driving anywhere, would apply chapstick from his lips to his skin on his upper lip, just below his nose. He took the job very seriously, and in the end, only wanted what was best for his students.
*Neil: (Again, no name change here, he's my brotha) For someone who was fresh out of college when he took the job, he had a beard like a 47 year old. Full. On. Beard. I offered to shave it many times when I was drunk...and sober, but he never took me up on it. He was a newbie to the world of admissions, and I worked with him my last 2 years in the office. At first I pegged him as a douche. But turns out, he was just socially awkward, and waiting to find others in the office that were equally as tainted as he was. Instead of taking notes during meetings, he would write down notes in haiku's. Which was impressive, because staff meetings tended to go on for hours and never get to a point, so I was surprised when he could condense so much of it into only 17 syllables.
*Aubrey: (No name change, just my crazy girl, who after Mary left me to marry her college sweet heart, Aubrey became my voice of reason in a world of complete chaos) I've saved the best for last. Aubrey is a teenage boys wet dream. She is stick thin, blonde hair, big blue eyes, and totally gorgeous. Has danced since the age of...some really young age...and still finds ways to dance. I think she may be the oldest cheerleader/dancer in the La Crosse Wisconsin area! Matter of fact, I picture her being 90, doing high kicks, and teasing boys. This girl has spunk. She got the job as visit coordinator to the office right out of college, and I immediately recruited her into our 'circle of trust' so we could have another alliance in the office. She eats Taco Bell and McDonald's like it's her job, and over the years she and I would become close forming and shaping the student ambassador program. She is completely inappropriate for the work place and without fail you can hear her burp half way across the office, and then she'll just look at you, like you're the crazy one. We had many good times together...
As you can see, there were many characters in my work life those first few years after college...and there's some great stories that go along with them...marinate on all of these personalities being in one office together...and that is where we will begin next time..
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